Heart Currency

I’m living the dream and I only want more!

In December of 2010 someone told me that I would go through a phase finding a great guy, and when I did, it would bring out my fears really strong.  Back then I bravely and quickly answered that “I could take it”.  Now turn the clocks one and half years, that exact time might be in full bloom.  I might have listened to that prophecy a little too closely, waiting for the fear train to hit me, but I was alert.  Surprisingly, I haven’t been hit yet for subsequent days, but there were moments that scared me to death.  In those moments, though, I took it step by step.  So I wonder whether fear is in fact hitting me really strong during this time, but my way of dealing with it just got a little more balanced.  Meaning that I can still live on, even when things turn against me.  There might be more growth than fear here.

A year ago, I used to be completely overwhelmed, not knowing what to do next.  I then just went step by step to get each task done.  This simple work really opened me up to become the one that I’m supposed to be.  When you wonder too much, life steps in and gives you something to do so that the important stuff can start to happen.  No joke.  What seems to be visiting me more frequently, though, is the ability to look back at past lessons, finding them in my present, and deciding in my favour. 

I might still be waiting for that explosion of fears, but maybe it’s just like waiting for Mr. Right or anything else that is better from what I have today.  As I have figured out before, this perspective never works out in my favour.  In fact, it doesn’t work at all.  Waiting is not letting go, and I must in order to have my hands free to receive.

Love,

Liel

Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me.”

During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, always me!

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one you live in.

Taking things personally makes you easy prey for those predators who try to send you emotional poison. They can hook you easily with one little opinion, and feed you all their emotional garbage. When you take it personally, you eat it up, and now it becomes your garbage. But if you don’t take it personally, you are immune to their poison; you will not eat it. Immunity to emotional poison is the gift of this agreement.

When you take things personally, you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong.

You try hard to be right by giving them your own opinions. But what you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made and these opionions have nothing to do with the people around you. Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one’s truth but yours.

In the same way, others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system. Nothing they think about me is really about me; it is about them. If I understand this, then when you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad.

You may even tell me, “Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me.” But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way that I can take this personally. Not because I don’t believe in you or don’t trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes - with your eyes.

- The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Still on my way of letting go off any belief and pattern.  And newest topic is sex. Well first off, it’s hard not to look at sex when you’re outside, on the web or even when speaking to other people.  It’s omnipresent.  But I would like to know where it’s coming from…not from outside but from my inside.  How do I feel about it?  I haven’t listend enough yet, the noise from anywhere else is still too loud.

As I stand now, I know this: we focus too much on out than in, so we don’t even know what it feels like to just be ourselves, what it’s like to feel good.  I believe many people have sex so they can feel their body (again) by someone else’s touch.  And even further, we hyperfocus on porn and sexual “anything” in the media because it is really rare to have good sex.  If we only took the time to get back to ourselves so we can express what we need, the world would be a better place with more sex…in a way it really serves us.

I wrote to a friend today.  Whenever I put down some lines for him, my fingers type the philosophical type of words.  And I really like it.  My mind just spills.  Today I wrote that I feel that I’m already somewhere near the end of 2012, although it is only April.  Some weeks ago I simply solved the biggest mystery of my life: finding a hero (I guess almost every female on this planet is looking for that…maybe guys do that too, I don’t know). I found that there is no one around, and never will there be one. In fact I’m the one, and whatever else happens is just a bonus. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t an amazing number1 for me, but thinking that someone will save me by being awesome is setting myself up for living on the outside, not the inside. And that way, I found, I will eventually be homeless. It just doesn’t work that way. The best home, the best castle and the best country still are within yourself.